B.3 Chapter 1. Slipping away from me

I walked to my house kicking a stone, just as i stepped my next step i tripped, and fell flat on my face. uhh. Great. I heard some muffled laughs. I turned around and yelled, "What the hell!?"
One of the girls replied, "What, your just stupid, gosh, wacth where your going!"
They all laughed, then walked away, they were all blonde, and must have been about 16. Stupid girls. God i hated people sometimes.
Once i was inside my house, i went to have a shower. I let the warm water burn my back, i thought to myself. This is where Andrew and I would have lived, this was the place. I sighed, then finished up my shower.
I went to the river, considering i lived about 2 streets away it was a nice place to go. Before i left, my phone buzzed, i answered, "Mmm"
"Hannah, umm...Mel, Dave and I are going to a coffee shop, wanna come?"
"..." i said nothing, "Okay"
I hung up.
I walked slowly to the coffee shop, thinking about my new job. I was a journalist. Itwas a fun job, and right now all i was writing was depressing stuff. Oh well.
When i arrived at the coffee shop, i saw Jess, Mel, and Dave, and Beth all sitting at a nice outside table.
"Hannah" Bethany said, she was 3 this year, and could say a lot of things, encluding my name.
I forced a smile, it felt weird smiling for no apparent reason, i never really smiled anymore.
"How are you?" Jess asked, warrily. They all new i was a completly different person now. They all new the horrible, painful reason behind it.
I remember that day well, unfortunetly. I wish it could just disappear or not have happened. After Andrew had died, I lay on the floor with him, for about a whole day. I cryed and cryed, im still not over it. I love him. I will never move on. Never.Ever. Unless some magical guy comes up, outta nowhere, and makes all my worries dreams. Not very likely, i know.
I shook my head, "Mmm same old, same old"
She smiled hopefully, "Well thats good-ish"
Dave waved at me, in a slight quick movement, i forced a smile. Then it happened, everything just got to much, Dave leant over to kiss Jess, the romance was major, and it brought back memories i didn't want.
"I....bye" i said quickly, then ran off.
I heard Mel say, "Nice one!" in a very sarcastic tone.
I went to mum's house, i needed a mum's hug, you know the type, they make you feel warm, and loved, like nothing is wrong.
"Yes, of course" A man said, he had a deep voice.
"Oh, Hello Hannah, this is Steve, he's one of my friends!" she smiled at me.
"Hello" i said to him.
I went to mum, and hugged her, "Well, see you soon" then i left.
As i was walking away i heard Steve say, "Is she okay, she looked a bit...unsure"
Yes, i was unsure of everything, i didn't know who was going to die next. Uhhh.

I looked a mess, i was a mess.

Just then Freya called, i answered,"...."

"Hannah, Hannah, how are you? whatya doing?" she said excitedly.

Uhh. I had almost had enough of her pepy/happiness. I was jealous that she was happy. Coz i wasn't.

I said nothing, coz i was close to craking.

"Hannah!?" she screamed, "Hannah, i know your there, you answered, so don't pretend your not there!"

"Oh, well. Maybe i don't wanna be here, just leave me alone!" i yelled, then wished i hadn't. She hung up. Shit. Why the hell did i say that, why the hell was i mean, oh, my god. I just yelled at one of my best friends. I wanted to call back, but i hadn't called anyone in so long, they always called me.

I walked down the street to my house. I got in and slumped on the floor and cryed my eyes out.
I hated life. It hated me, so why like it!?

I wanted to start over, just then i heard a removal truck coming up to the house. Huh, they must be moving into the house across the hall from me, i lived in a flat you see, so there is a few houses. Oh well. I peered out the window, and the person looked up, he saw that i was red and in tears, so he looked sorry for me, even though he didn;t know me. He had brown hair, a good length, and he was carrying about 5 boxes at once. As soon as he saw me, i ran to the bathroom. god i looked bad. I wiped my eyes, and then went to bed, it was getting quite late, but because it was summer, it was still light, so you forget about time.

I woke up the next morning, unfortunetly. Someone was knocking on my door, i peered in the mirror, i looked pretty alright. I opened the foor, in my nighty. It was the man. he looked about my age.

"Hey" He said, then smiled.

"Hi" i looked at the floor. He peered under to get my stare back to his face, i wouldn't reurn his gaze.

"Umm...yes, i saw you yesterday, well i'm new, and I'm Fred by the way" he said.

I was still looking at the ground, "Okay, i'm going back to bed now, night" i said.

He laughed, i shut the door, and went back to bed, it was only 9:30, and these days i would normally sleep till 12pm. If you haven't guess, im sleeping my life away.

Fred seeme nice, i should have been nicer, oh well. Im not exactly a person right now, so why act like one!?

Once i got up i got into my writing, for my job. The good thing about my job was, i could stay inside all day. This was my normal life pattern. It sucked, but then again, so did my life.

Ellie called, i answered, "Mmm"

"Right, why did you make Freya sad!?" Ellie sounded angry.

"I didn't mean what i said" i said, in a small voice.

"Well you better not have, we are all worried about you!" she yelled, "But clearly you don't want us around, so you can just stuff it!" she hung up.

Great, i had lost Freya and Ellie as friends now. What next!?

Jess called next, i didn;t say anything.

"Hannah, Im soo sorry about yesterday" she sounded sad.

"it's fine, i was stupid, It's my fault, don't worry....I...I....Im great" i choked the last word out.

She could tell, "Hannah, I understand your pain, when i lost my Mum, i couldn't and wouldn't do anything!"
"Sorry Jess, I love you, please don't leave me like Ellie and Freya" i said, then hung up, coz i would start crying. Just as i was holding my tears back, i started bawling.

I think Fred heard me, coz i heard a knock at the foor, i opened it will tears dripping down my face.

"Umm...Are you alright?" he asked, looking sad.

"No, im never alright, i want to die!" i yelled, then i slammed the door and ran to my room.

I heard him sigh, then walk away. He posted a note through my door, it said:
You know, Your an interesting girl, i want to get to know you, and i will make you smile, and i will find out your name.

x Fred

That was a sweet note, he wants to know me. All i've done is be mean, and yet he still comes back, whats wrong with him, is he insane? Ahh well. Aren't we all a bit mad.

He's nice, i think i'll apologise soon, once i get a hold of myself.

I had lost 2 friends, and i didn't mean it, everyone i know was getting trapped because of me...what the hell is wrong with me!